6 Comments

Friday Teaser

Today, I finished Chapter 16 of Messy Death. Rising action begins NOW! Woot, Woot. Here’s a look at how things are going for Vira Silk.

 

I put my hand in his and the moment our skin touched need flared. The need to touch more of him, to run my fingers over all of his soft, creamy body. I wanted to have and be had by Rally no matter how disastrous the implications. 

“Ready?” He asked sounding a bit more alert. 

I nodded. It was safer than trying to speak and much less awkward. 

“Here we go then.” He drew my arm to his lips fixing the wrist with a moist kiss that spun every chaste thought I should’ve had right out of my head. It was deep and wet; the kind of open-mouthed kiss you save for more sensitive parts of the anatomy. 

I felt myself tighten when teeth gently scraped across my pulse point, but it was the follow-up that made me moan. His tongue suckled flesh, lapping at it until that sensation was all that I could feel. All I wanted to feel. Another moan filled the room. This time it belonged to Rally. 

Hearing him react that way, knowing, this time, it wasn’t imagined intensified everything, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, it didn’t.

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6 comments on “Friday Teaser

  1. Honestly? You lost me at “creamy.” This passage is virtually indistinguishable from any other writer’s description of the sexual encounter. It may accurately describe any person’s recollection of the aesthetic aspects of a sexual encounter (again, interchangeable) but what the reader wants here is revelation, elevation, insight, difference, not as regards the bodily exchange (aka bird’s eye view) but the existential. What came before for this character before she entered the arena of the bed? What came after or what was the character expecting to come after? That should be inherent in the moment of the actual encounter, that should be evident at the heart of each paragraph. No one cares about skin, eyes, body parts, really. Been there, done that, all of us. We’ve all got them. We are not looking for the engine, we seek the spark upon the engine, or the spark the engine produces. What we want to know is how this encounter will change us, challenge us, confuse us, confound us, enlighten us, destroy us, elude us. . .through the character. Right there, immediately, in the paragraph. You have ten seconds. . .! Good Luck!

  2. It was not meant to be negative. I have read your writing, you are very talented, very dedicated. It was a measure of respect for me to write this, worried also about your reaction,but wanted to connect in a real way. Also, I could be totally wrong! Take what is useful, chuck the rest!

    • No. I am thrilled that you left your thoughts. You are correct in there is an element missing. It could have to do with not being able to read the before or after, but I can tell you, having written the before and after, that something bugged me about this scene. The why wandered through my head all last night, and while some of your words did feel like a slap (frankly I am sure you know which ones since they are the ones no writer ever wants to hear) I know there was a truth to them. Thank you for caring about my rection and paying me the respect of your honesty. Your compliments were a nice pick me up this morning as well. *blushes*

  3. It’s all right there in your fabulous title. . .Messy Death. You already hold it in your hand.

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