Yesterday, was a weird writing day. At first, I couldn’t find my stride. Then, I found a stride that wasn’t quite mine, but I wanted it to be. I worked from bed and punched out what I considered to be some pretty great stuff. But, when it was all said and done, there was something nagging at me. I hadn’t gone in the right direction, but I couldn’t tell where, exactly, I’d gone off track. After a whole lot of mental rehash, I went to work. Today, I feel much better about my scene , so I thought I would share.
“No lies. You’ve had enough of those.” He wasn’t wrong, but I squirmed at his perception. Rally’s life operated under the opposite assumption as mine. He was brave in a way I had never been. Every day, he connected with some random person whereas, before Latimer, I’d never wasted a single minute on such frivolous efforts.
Why bother? Relationships died faster than the human body. I refused to give pieces of myself away in order to sustain the walking dead. My time was better spent cleaning up the already dead, but tonight thoughts of another life fucked me over. If I’d been more like Rally, if I’d allowed myself to fall in love before Latimer came calling, would I be sitting beside this fine, capable Guard trying to guess which one of the men in my life would get me killed first?
“There’s a whole lot of doubt in those eyes of yours,” Rally noted. Drowsiness crackled his words giving them a drawling, sexy edge. If I lied to him right now, that sexy edge would turn into curious disappointment, and I didn’t want that cherry topping my existential crisis.
“It’s not you I’m doubting.” It was my dismal, jaded soul telling me changing for a happier future didn’t guarantee I’d get one, so why entertain such Nancy Boy crap? I put my hand in his. “Cipher away.”
The moment our skin touched, Rally became more alert. He drew my arm to his lips. Slowly. Our gazes locked. I clenched my jaw, preparing. Life was pain; everyday; every heartbeat. Death was the only reprieve and I wasn’t dying. Not tonight. Not under Rally’s watch.
“Ready?” He whispered, moist heat tickling the pulse point of my wrist.
I played it safe and nodded. A shiver trickled down my spine at the exact moment Rally’s mouth pressed against skin. Sensitivity thrummed through every part of me. A second before his tongue licked my flesh I felt the scrape of two front teeth. They were smooth and wet with saliva. There was nothing carnal about it except there was. In that moment, I saw Rally react; saw him flare with a hunger so strong it dominated his lethargy.
This wasn’t the pills, booze or magic talking. He wanted me, and I wanted him to want me because that connection was the only connection I’d ever truly understood.