I squirmed in my tight pencil-skirt from behind the antique desk and forced myself to look away. Three minutes to go. But I didn’t need a clock to tell me that. I knew it. My stomach knew it. And the sweat trickling down the small of my back beneath my fitted white blouse knew it. Focus on something else, Mia. I glanced at the drizzle of rain collecting outside on the office window, but I couldn’t see past the film of dirt.
There are more than five sentences here, but Mimi’s prose drew me well past the first five. In this paragraph, Mimi creates an easy sense of trepidation. As people, we’ve all experienced a moment like this. These are the scenes that have to flow. Readers loose interest when a straightforward moment goes long. Mimi doesn’t get overly elaborate here. She reads her audience in right away, but not before our imaginations are piqued.
These eight sentences had me wondering all sorts of things. They hooked me. I absolutely did not mind paying .99 cents for this paranormal read. It’s 294 pages of sexy fun with mystery and an ‘oh shit’ moment that will propel you right into the next book. The books that follow are more are more than .99 cents, but I didn’t mind. Mimi Jean Pamfiloff has given us a great series. In the spirit of being honest, I wasn’t thrilled with the sixth sentence. I felt like the addition of ‘fitted white blouse’ made the sentence clunky. I mentally edited it to look like this: And the sweat trickling down my back knew it too.
Live. Write. Read.